Changes we go through

In life we are thrown curve balls and it is how you deal with them that will make you or breaks you; and that includes your family.

Recently we moved from a small town where everyone knew your name, waved as you walked by with your four children to a city where know one knows you or really cares uch about you. You and your children are only just a number.

To add to it we not only moved to a city, we moved from our home to a small basement apartment where you can hear the people, using the shower, washer and footsteps. This is a huge adjustment to me and my family, most of all my husband who has been with out the children for 6 months. He is used to the silence.

In my world there was no silence with four kids six and under...stilll nursing one through the night. Now we are reunited as afamily because I finally moved us up here with him and there is nothin butfrusteration and lack of understanding of the adjustment we must  endure.

I sit here taking sips of Fireball! Thinking this is my way of handling it right now, a few shots at night to take away from the loneliness I feel from what I had before; friends, laughter, friendships for me and my children. I know there is worse in life, flood victims, hurricaine victims with no homes at all and I should be ever so grateful that I do not have to live with what they have been dealt. But this is my life and I am having a hard time adapting.

My kids are my life and make this world soo much brighter, adventurous and full of life. They make me remember what it was like to be young, I do offer them so much more then my mother and father ever did and I am not talking about materials. Patience, love, understanding and so much more....I expect them to act out in their hour of confusion. But does it make me a bad parent when I can't take anymore and scream enough already!

I am trying to quit smoking and right now I think it is my only moment of sanity at times.....do you think my husband will ever understand the responsabilty, sacrafice and ....lol torment I go through trying to raise these children for tomorrow and the changes they have to face with out choice?

Time will tell.....until tomorrow