Remember when you were young and you either hated or loved your brother/sister. I know I did not get along well with mine and could not care neither here nor there if she was around. I did love to make her life miserable - or course not on purpose :).. As time has gone on my views have changed I love her for who she is, respect her....but still love annoying her. I am the baby so I guess I have that right even if I am going to be 37. The roles have not changed much I still feel at times that I am the older one and she is the younger one, my parents still favour her over me...lol That is why the blacksheep label has stuck so well with me. But there is more acceptance of it and understanding.
Well here we are 5 kids later, one much older then the rest so there is definetly no issues on his part. But the other four oh wait we count Theia in there as she is only 9 and a half months old. So now we have narrowed it down to Hayden, Chase and Autumn. Brothers and Sisters, love it or hate it that is what they are and bonded with for life.
Now, it is up to me as a parent to try and form this unconditional love between all of them and know that they will love, care, play .... for the rest of thier lives. Some days you sit back and watch these little people that John and I have created ,smile at them with such love and adoration for them. Then there are other days where you just want to ring thier bloody necks. Chase and Autumn play well together, just don't add Hayden into the equation, Hayden and Autumn play well together just don't add Chase to the play, Hayden and Chase play well just don't add Autumn. I really thought the more we had the more the friendships and playmates would form.
Right now with 6, 4, 2 and 9 months I am stuck dealing with fighting, pushing, biting, name calling.....and not to mention mischieve.........wow the things they get into. WHY!!!
Don't get me wrong there is a lot of laughter and play....but sometimes more fighting then playing.
My mom used to talk about the things that I used to get into when I was young,, I also remember the things I did with out getting caught. Unfortunatelly my kids are dealing with a mom who did all so it is hard for them to get away with anything. But when they are caught sometimes I can't help but laugh because it reminds of the dumbass things I used to do, with no explaination or reason as to why. I just did and felt like it.
So needless to say I have been given myself three times over! My mother really wanted to make sure that I knew what she went through. I get it now, it can stop!!!!! Let's just hope that Theia is a little less dramatic....
A mommy who loves her kids, lives through her kids.....and finds every reason to smile and laugh with them.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Changes we go through
In life we are thrown curve balls and it is how you deal with them that will make you or breaks you; and that includes your family.
Recently we moved from a small town where everyone knew your name, waved as you walked by with your four children to a city where know one knows you or really cares uch about you. You and your children are only just a number.
To add to it we not only moved to a city, we moved from our home to a small basement apartment where you can hear the people, using the shower, washer and footsteps. This is a huge adjustment to me and my family, most of all my husband who has been with out the children for 6 months. He is used to the silence.
In my world there was no silence with four kids six and under...stilll nursing one through the night. Now we are reunited as afamily because I finally moved us up here with him and there is nothin butfrusteration and lack of understanding of the adjustment we must endure.
I sit here taking sips of Fireball! Thinking this is my way of handling it right now, a few shots at night to take away from the loneliness I feel from what I had before; friends, laughter, friendships for me and my children. I know there is worse in life, flood victims, hurricaine victims with no homes at all and I should be ever so grateful that I do not have to live with what they have been dealt. But this is my life and I am having a hard time adapting.
My kids are my life and make this world soo much brighter, adventurous and full of life. They make me remember what it was like to be young, I do offer them so much more then my mother and father ever did and I am not talking about materials. Patience, love, understanding and so much more....I expect them to act out in their hour of confusion. But does it make me a bad parent when I can't take anymore and scream enough already!
I am trying to quit smoking and right now I think it is my only moment of sanity at times.....do you think my husband will ever understand the responsabilty, sacrafice and ....lol torment I go through trying to raise these children for tomorrow and the changes they have to face with out choice?
Time will tell.....until tomorrow
Recently we moved from a small town where everyone knew your name, waved as you walked by with your four children to a city where know one knows you or really cares uch about you. You and your children are only just a number.
To add to it we not only moved to a city, we moved from our home to a small basement apartment where you can hear the people, using the shower, washer and footsteps. This is a huge adjustment to me and my family, most of all my husband who has been with out the children for 6 months. He is used to the silence.
In my world there was no silence with four kids six and under...stilll nursing one through the night. Now we are reunited as afamily because I finally moved us up here with him and there is nothin butfrusteration and lack of understanding of the adjustment we must endure.
I sit here taking sips of Fireball! Thinking this is my way of handling it right now, a few shots at night to take away from the loneliness I feel from what I had before; friends, laughter, friendships for me and my children. I know there is worse in life, flood victims, hurricaine victims with no homes at all and I should be ever so grateful that I do not have to live with what they have been dealt. But this is my life and I am having a hard time adapting.
My kids are my life and make this world soo much brighter, adventurous and full of life. They make me remember what it was like to be young, I do offer them so much more then my mother and father ever did and I am not talking about materials. Patience, love, understanding and so much more....I expect them to act out in their hour of confusion. But does it make me a bad parent when I can't take anymore and scream enough already!
I am trying to quit smoking and right now I think it is my only moment of sanity at times.....do you think my husband will ever understand the responsabilty, sacrafice and ....lol torment I go through trying to raise these children for tomorrow and the changes they have to face with out choice?
Time will tell.....until tomorrow
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